Tuesday, September 30, 2014

There'll be other George Clooney's


Many are lamenting over the fact that George Clooney is now officially 'off the market'. Meh. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think George is rather gorgeous, and congrats to him and his new wife and all that, but am I crying in to my cappuccino right about now? No. (If it was Henry Cavill though, it might be another story... )

In the words/lyrics of the Rolling Stones, 'You can't always get what you want.' Disappointments are aplenty in this world, but, you know, so are the lessons to be learned from those disappointments.

I knew a girl once, years ago, who went to London on holiday and came back engaged. Although I didn't know her that well, I was pretty certain she left the country without a boyfriend, so her announcement really surprised me. In fact, it not only surprised me, but her close friends as well.

As it turned out, she had been engaged to her 'new' fiance some years before, but he had called off their wedding at the eleventh hour. They parted ways. Clearly, on her trip to London, they met up again and discovered they still had a connection worth exploring. And after a whirlwind renewal of those old feelings (the sort of heady experience, no doubt, that is heightened by the fact that at least one person is on holiday, and time is of the essence), they thought their union worth another shot.

So, this girl returned to Australia and went about planning (or rather, re-planning) the wedding they had hoped to have some years before.

And then ... guess what happened within weeks of the 'big day'? He called it off (again). Although I never asked (we weren't close enough for me to do so), and she never offered the information, I'm guessing she had always loved him and, although he had obviously held a fondness for her (why would he think he could propose - twice - if that wasn't the case?), his feelings for her were no comparison to hers for him, and in the end, he just couldn't go through with it. I believe he probably wanted to love her - it would be hard to give up someone who feels so strongly for you - but in the end, it clearly wasn't enough for him.

He was her George Clooney. (That's the impression I got of the situation, anyway.)

And yet, she eventually went on to meet and fall in love with someone else, get married and have kids - finally getting her happily ever after. Who knows if she ever thought about her ex-fiance (x 2) after that? Maybe. Quite possibly. But I'm also guessing, if she did - even if she continued to hold even a small amount of fondness for him - she accepted that it was what it was, and at least she had learned from the experience.

One thing I have learned over the years is that not all relationships are supposed to last forever. People come in and out of our lives for a reason - often to teach us what we want or, more importantly, what we don't want for ourselves and/or our future. When I finally broke up with my first real boyfriend (after a lengthy on again/off again kind of union), I knew - wholeheartedly - that he was not for me and that we should part ways. It was a difficult relationship - doomed, I realise now, from the start. I admit, though, letting it go was tricky, because I was afraid of the future. What lie ahead for me? Would I meet someone else? (I was eighteen. Of course I was going to meet someone else!) That particular relationship taught me a lot about what I didn't want from a relationship, and yet I can't regret it because it taught me so much (and eventually saved me from wasting time on other relationships I knew wouldn't/couldn't work out).

Another (albeit brief) relationship some years later taught me that mind games are both unnecessary and mentally exhausting - they're just not worth the effort (and nor was he). And yet, something amazing came out of that particular union - a husband for my best friend in the form of my ex-boyfriend's friend. (Did you catch all that? Maybe draw a flowchart if it helps.)

And another - a great guy that just didn't work out for various reasons - showed me I deserved someone who treated me well; a guy that didn't always put himself first. He showed me that nice guys actually existed, and I was worthy of one. (And I got that, and then some, in the form of my eventual husband.)

Some relationships last a few days. Some last a few years. Some last a lifetime. Some, like the girl I knew, make more than one appearance only to show us, once again, that our path was supposed to take a different route.

But what each and every relationship does - the good ones and especially the bad ones, both in loving unions as well as friendships - is teach us something. No relationship is a waste of time for that reason. It's about working out what that something is, accepting it, learning from it, then moving forward.

Take heart, ladies: There'll be other George Clooney's.


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Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts. J xox